So I'm back from stumbling through Indiana at 90 mph and the effects of smearing through multiple states are a lot like visiting a comic book show. You drain massive amounts of time in the hopes your journey has a purpose, but the end result is simply a very sore back-side.

I sold enough to pay for my trip. I may have been one of the few that can say this.

SPACE, the small press and alternative comic expo, which caused the state transfigurations was the first comic convention I'd ever been to. At that time the idea of creating unique story based art (and getting paid for it in any meaningful way) was a pipe dream. And the truth is for almost everyone in the room this weekend it was still far from possible. I'd like to believe that comics are the root of the lack of funds but I know better: Publishing is hard for a reason. The endurance and dedication weeds out the masses in a cruel ode to the epic fictions of the thousands of books on the show floor. Mix comics with indy street cred and the situation goes from bad to worse.

My initial reactions:

1. Thanks to everyone who took the time to chat or pick up a copy of Nothing Left to Lose. The next thing will be better. I promise. But I hope it was worth your time.

2. I should cease to be amazed by the fact I learn to love every place I visit. Columbus is an enthralling town. I hope I have the pleasure of going back soon. The Book Loft alone would be worth a move. (Side note a: Their website has music, scrolling text, and a creepy soul devouring owl...and yet it matches the feel of the location. There are times I wish I knew nothing of design and this is one.)

3. Comic readers and publishers are water for the thirsty soul. I can't even count on one hand the nice folks I met. I do hope some big things should come out of the nice bonds formed.

4. 90% of comics make my mind want to give up this life gig. I'd prefer a life of sweet vegetation then read another horrid anti-hero tale or micro-slice of life. In some ways I've learned to ignore the unending copy-cat nature that you'll see in these stuffy rooms, but the artists as writers crap must change. It is clear artists make very bad writers, and until we purposely think of ourselves as writers first, comics deserve their fate.

5. The 10% I love are the least polished of the show. These guys still remember why they started - and they have the giant balls to stand in a room and try to sell it. Even when they can't make a dime they act like warm, passionate gentlemen. I'm humbled by the whole damn package and wish their heart would infect me by sheer proximity.

6. The most important thing for any of the publishers (or writer/artists) who displayed at SPACE should be to get our books in comic readers hands. This fact was largely overlooked. It is astonishing how little publishers care about making people happy. At nearly every turn I found another publisher gouging the very audience they hope to enthrall. Here is a note to you: GOOD FUCKIN LUCK. If you really need that $100 then you shouldn't have started this in the first place. I'm sorry but we both know this is true.

7. I need to put out smaller books at a greater pace. Then find a distributor. I'm very close to contacting real publishers and hanging up the self-pub hat for some time. I'm obsessed with the idea of epic graphic novels at no cost, but I need a larger audience to make this happen. (I can't say I will ever do this though as it contradicts most of my beliefs regarding publishing)

8. Now is the first time I have been online in days and yet the world did not end. I worked almost 20 hour days for three days straight before the show with about two meals in between to be ready for the show, and yet the world did not end. I need to unplug and draw endlessly each and every day. I'm stuck in a feedback loop of useless internet bullshit and I will die here alone and without merit if I keep this up.

9. Someone defaced my art at SPACE and my first reaction was pride. They defaced a mask featuring one of my characters and taped it to the art jam openly for all artists to see. I must be insane, because I thought "My art must be worth defacing".

10. Twelve hours in a car is an ideal way to cook up a new story.

11. Most opinions are worth their weight in protons. If I had a penny for every piece of negative advice I'd received at a show (or anywhere else: website, friends, family, etc.) coupled with the phrase "keep up the great work" I could defy the earth's gravity and start my own colony with the amount mass they'd provided. Complaining is easy, and the structure and form of a weak mind bent on mastery through false ownership. Creating is the act of deciding which of these bits has some element of truth and discarding the rest with a smile.

12. There is always "THAT" guy at a comic show. He is drawing books about insanity through insanity. His stories make no sense, his art is like breathing coal, and his mom drove him to the show and waits outside to pick him up. He is also 30 years old. I'd like to adopt this little guy and carry him in some sort of duffel bag. Anytime I hear another yuppie complain they don't have time to create, I'd pull him out of his protective sheath and remind them that if this guy can be a success they are the worst failures of humanity.

13. Idols are great to have, but the crashing realization that they are human eventually hits (and like the dethroning our parents before) the shock of this moment moves worlds. My world was moved this weekend. It has been a slow and trying process but I've killed my last God. I see a path ahead where I am in control and the only limits are those that I set.


-Josh